Prompted by Miss Johansson's seemingly green credentials, I am of course relentless in my pursuit of carbon neutrality. It just seems the right thing to do, and besides, I'm a huge fan of hers. On top of all this, are we not now to be taken to the Tower unless we reduce, re-use or recycle anything that walks or talks?
Somewhere along the way, we seem to have forgotten that the world is full of carbon and has been for centuries. Still, never let nature or rationale get in the way of hysteria and political correctness. Clearly, moderation is no longer enough as we seek the distant nirvana of being "carbon neutral" to the point of paranoia.
Call me a cynic, but isn't our apparent obsession with climate change getting out of hand? Views remain divided over global warming, and Western governments - most notably in Washington and Whitehall - talk fondly of reducing waste and cutting carbon emissions while dispatching astronauts to the moon and fighter planes to Afghanistan. Meanwhile, around the UK, local authorities talk blithely of being "environmental cities" while chopping down trees for spurious reasons and neglecting to plant new ones.
It all seems so hypocritical and not very "joined up". I mean, why would you want your wheelie bin to be emptied of garden waste every two weeks in mid-winter, and how many vegetable peelings do you get from a pack of supermarket peas? Who mows their lawn in January apart from Monty Don? Speaking of whom, can someone please tell our globe-trotting guru - now there's a carbon footprint - that the good folk of Havana toil in the soil because they need to eat and so have little choice, rather than being consumed by some feverish passion for the global advancement of allotment gardening.
By the way, a free energy bar to the first reader who can tell me what on earth is in Monty's satchel?